Monday, December 24, 2018

Merry Christmas!! (a drawing by my soccer-crazy 8 year-old...)

Jesus “Salvatore” van Nazareth scores game winner in match of the ages 



Saints United 2 – 1 F.C. Devils  (FT) 
Sunday, Cosmic Stadium, photo: Gabriel D’Angeles (Revelations Press Service)

   In a showdown that will define the game for millennia to come, an obscure midfielder from a dusty corner of the Roman Empire turned the match upside down in the final minute of additional time, scoring the glorious victory goal in a must win situation for the Saints. The clear underdogs against its long-time rivals the Devils, the team based in Jerusalem but drawing its squad from a variety of towns and villages across the nation, was down one player (Judas, on a late-game red card) and on the verge of elimination until glory finally fell on them, snatching the Cup decisively from the Devils. 

   The tone of the match was established early within the first few minutes. Saints’ veteran striker Adam Eden scored in the 6th minute on a heavenly cross from his attacking mate Eva Giardino. Only a few  moments after, the same pair was lured into an illegal tackle, allowing Devils’ captain and sweeper, Slip Viper to draw a foul in the box. Viper tied the score on an easy penalty kick. 

   The next ninety or so minutes saw the ball mostly in possession by the Devils who appeared to have the upper hand in both technique and stamina, though often using questionable tactics. There were, however, some hopeful moments from the Saints squad, with a tenacious lone run towards the goal by Moses Manna, a screeching header just over the crossbar from Elias Prophet, and some long-range shots by Rex Hezekiah and Josiah King, both which rattled the Devils’ goalkeeper. And the Saints’ defence, despite their lack of experience in the face of a better equipped opponent, did shine, cobbling together some remarkable teamwork to fend off an aggressive (and often creative) offense, thereby setting the stage for the Man of the match, Jesus. In a series of moves that can only be described as “miraculous”, Jesus took possession of the ball from a taunting opposition midfield, leapt high as if being “lifted to heaven”, turned around in mid-air to deliver a bicycle kick from (above) mid-field whipping a shot in the upper-right corner of the goal at the 95th minute, to reign in victory for the home team. 

   So, who is this player, you might ask? 

   A recent call-up, the former Nazarean carpenter was born on Christmas Day under obscure circumstances in Bethlehem. But despite his humble upbringing, documents show that his family ancestry includes such football greats as David Royale and the legendary Abraão, among others. It is fitting, then, that his recent burgeoning popularity as a local sensation has earned him nicknames such as “Salvatore”, and “The Miracle-Worker”. Those who know him well speak highly of him. Former team mate and superstar Johnathan Battista said, “I knew I needed to hang up my cleats and make way for Him – He was the new one that was to come!”. Sports writer and pundit Paulus Apostolos pontificates, “when I watched him play that first time on TV many years ago, my eyes were opened, and I saw the beautiful game in a way that I could never see it before – it’s as if I was born again!” 

   Critics claim that it is just this sort of apparent non-adherence to long-standing tradition and a new sort of zeal that will cause social strain, upsetting the political balance and corporate relationships that the soccer establishment has relied upon for centuries to create power, and millions in profit for those that have it. We only know for certain that He has remained mum on his new-found popularity, but it is rumoured that Jesus himself has tweeted to his close followers what he aspires to bring to the game and to its fans. It is expected that He will reveal more, but there is a growing body of chatter that will continue to testify to His greatness. 

   In the mean time, let us revel in the joy that He has brought to the game and to the world, as we also dribble and shoot our way to victory on the coat tails of His winning goal. 

   Merry Christmas.

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