Jesus “Salvatore” van Nazareth scores game winner in match of the ages
Saints United 2 – 1 F.C. Devils (FT)
Sunday,
Cosmic Stadium, photo: Gabriel D’Angeles (Revelations Press Service)
In a showdown that will define the game for
millennia to come, an obscure midfielder from a dusty corner of the Roman
Empire turned the match upside down in the final minute of additional time,
scoring the glorious victory goal in a must win situation for the Saints. The clear
underdogs against its long-time rivals the Devils, the team based in Jerusalem
but drawing its squad from a variety of towns and villages across the nation, was
down one player (Judas, on a late-game red card) and on the verge of elimination
until glory finally fell on them, snatching the Cup decisively from the Devils.
The tone of the match was established early within
the first few minutes. Saints’ veteran striker Adam Eden scored in the 6th
minute on a heavenly cross from his attacking mate Eva Giardino. Only a few moments after, the same pair was lured into
an illegal tackle, allowing Devils’ captain and sweeper, Slip Viper to draw a
foul in the box. Viper tied the score on an easy penalty kick.
The next ninety or so minutes saw the ball
mostly in possession by the Devils who appeared to have the upper hand in both
technique and stamina, though often using questionable tactics. There were,
however, some hopeful moments from the Saints squad, with a tenacious lone run
towards the goal by Moses Manna, a screeching header just over the crossbar
from Elias Prophet, and some long-range shots by Rex Hezekiah and Josiah King,
both which rattled the Devils’ goalkeeper. And the Saints’ defence, despite
their lack of experience in the face of a better equipped opponent, did shine,
cobbling together some remarkable teamwork to fend off an aggressive (and often
creative) offense, thereby setting the stage for the Man of the match, Jesus.
In a series of moves that can only be described as “miraculous”, Jesus took
possession of the ball from a taunting opposition midfield, leapt high as if
being “lifted to heaven”, turned around in mid-air to deliver a bicycle kick
from (above) mid-field whipping a shot in the upper-right corner of the goal at
the 95th minute, to reign in victory for the home team.
So, who is this player, you might ask?
A recent call-up, the former Nazarean
carpenter was born on Christmas Day under obscure circumstances in Bethlehem.
But despite his humble upbringing, documents show that his family ancestry
includes such football greats as David Royale and the legendary Abraão, among
others. It is fitting, then, that his recent burgeoning popularity as a local
sensation has earned him nicknames such as “Salvatore”, and “The
Miracle-Worker”. Those who know him well speak highly of him. Former team mate
and superstar Johnathan Battista said, “I knew I needed to hang up my cleats
and make way for Him – He was the new one that was to come!”. Sports writer and
pundit Paulus Apostolos pontificates, “when I watched him play that first time
on TV many years ago, my eyes were opened, and I saw the beautiful game in a
way that I could never see it before – it’s as if I was born again!”
Critics claim that it is just this sort of
apparent non-adherence to long-standing tradition and a new sort of zeal that
will cause social strain, upsetting the political balance and corporate
relationships that the soccer establishment has relied upon for centuries to
create power, and millions in profit for those that have it. We only know for
certain that He has remained mum on his new-found popularity, but it is
rumoured that Jesus himself has tweeted to his close followers what he aspires
to bring to the game and to its fans. It is expected that He will reveal more,
but there is a growing body of chatter that will continue to testify to His
greatness.
In the mean time, let us revel in the joy
that He has brought to the game and to the world, as we also dribble and shoot
our way to victory on the coat tails of His winning goal.
Merry
Christmas.
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